reflections...

Recently I have discovered some things about myself. Some are good, some are things I'd like to change, but I guess no one is perfect so we just have to do the best we can. So here's my list.

1. I'm a SUPER emotional person (probably not a big surprise to anyone). But, more recently when I drink it increases exponentially which has resulted in a few arguments between Mark and I. After thinking about it for awhile I decided I don't drunken fights to be the demise of our relationship so I've decided to stop drinking until we're back together. I'll probably still have a drink now and then when we're out to dinner or at a gathering, but my limit is two per night.

2. I worry too much. Lately I've been worrying about finishing my thesis, keeping the house neat and tidy, what's going to happen when our house sells and I need a place to live, if Mark and I are really going to make it through this latest challenge, what it's going to be like when we start house hunting up north, what it's going to be like when I actually move up there, and many more things. Now all of this worrying has stressed me out and has resulted in me losing a lot of sleep...so I decided to stop, or at least try to stop. No matter what happens I am a strong person and can make it through anything with the support of my friends and family.

3. I'm lonely. Without Mark around I've become kind of a hermit. While I have a lot of things to take care of between school, work, and home I haven't made time for my friends. But at the same time, the couple of friends that I have in the area are just as busy as I am so it takes a lot of coordination for us to get together. It took Tamra and I over a month to find a day that worked for both of us. I don't know how to fix my loneliness. I can't get a dog because I don't know where I'm going to be living after our house sells and I never made a lot of friends down here.

4. I get tired of defending my relationship and my decisions. When Mark first moved up North everyone kept asking if we were breaking up. Now that people have gotten tired of asking that question they're now asking if I'm moving up there. Now I never though I would move back to the Duluth area once I left, but things change and people change. Mark is the most important person in my life and I love him with all my heart. If this is what truly makes him happy, then I'm in 110%. I don't think either of us are trying to kid ourselves into thinking that it's going to be easy, but I think it's the right decision in the long term. I just got done having lunch with some of my former team members and one of the guys made a comment like "So you got all of this education and now you're just going to move up there where there isn't anything to do." Now first of all I think that's a super ignorant comment to make, but second of all, yes I am. I just hate having to defend the decisions that I'm making for my life.

5. I'm sick of people asking when we're getting married. I'm happy with my relationship. Do I want to get married? Of course. Would I rather it be sooner than later? Of course. But I also want the timing to be right and I don't want to cram it in just to get it done. Nothing can change how Mark and I feel about each other, so we're not in a hurry. It'll happen when the time is right (or at least not as crazy as it is right now).

OK that's enough for now. Thanks for listening. :)